Emotional Dysregulation is a mood disorder that usually accompanies mental health disorders. A child or teen with Emotional Dysregulation senses every day emotions as if through a massive magnifying glass. What my seem small to you, may seem completely overwhelming to them.
Teenagers and adults who do recognise that their emotions are going out of control, may have extreme reactions. We know that adrenaline and cortisol play a major part in our moods. Hormones like cortisol or adrenaline flood the body unchecked and cause melt downs or outburst beyond belief. Not having the emotional tools to recognise or manage these moments, creates overwhelm, exaggerating the whole issue.
Emotional dysregulation can be exaggerated by depression or by neurodivergent challenges.
These mental health issues create additional challenges in daily life. Add the emotions of those challenges on top of teenage depression, and yes - it can feel much worse, and without hope for many.
A mood disorder is the inability to manage one's own emotions. There are developmental stages that have not been inherent learning for everyone. It is not being spoilt, overly dramatic, or pampered. It is being lost, overwhelmed, and ineffectively supported. For many it needs to be specified learning in a format that is accessible to their learning styles.
In two year old's we call this the terrible-two's, while they are learning that life has barriers. The word 'No' creates meltdowns. They have yet to learn the strategies for navigating invisible, social barriers, and other challenges. They haven't learned the strategies for listening, bargaining, rationalizing, analyzing, and other skills necessary to manage their emotions. As a result, their emotions swing unchecked.
For many children, these exaggerated emotions and reactions can continue into adulthood. Living with other disorders can add more complex and unseen barriers. Each step of development needs new strategies for assessing change, communication, seeking solutions, setting goals, and creating positive change. If they are missing these developmental steps, they will still have meltdowns.
Good news: Awareness, strategies, mindset-shift, and better communication can be taught.
Depression is usually secondary as a result of neurodiversity. It is the overwhelm of dealing with the additional challenges, and lacking solutions or effective support, that bring a lack of hope, resulting in depression. For teenagers where depression is the primary source of emotional dysregulation, there is usually a root cause to that too. Family trauma, school bullying, abuse, drugs, or other negative influences on their life can all cause emotional dysregulation.
What ever the root cause, the awareness and learning can begin even while waiting a diagnosis, or after diagnoses and alongside other treatments. Emotional Awareness is not and exclusive therapy, it is a foundation of learning.
Emotional dysregulation is not a diagnosis in itself. It is a description for a level of behavioral and emotional issues. Most schools will take the route of correctional behaviour. Doctors will treat this as a clue to neurodiversity and may refer for a clinical assessment. Therapists will often look at the circumstances. No one looks at the educational gaps in emotional learning. That's the responsibility of parents.
Every time my son had an outburst or meltdown, it was as traumatic for him as for the people around him. This was not his fault. Despite every effort to get help, he was still depressed. We had hit brick walls in the education system.
We could not make progress through the GP route after a psychologist saw him on his one good day - and dismissed him from the entire support system. This left me dealing with his emotional dysregulation alone for the next FIVE years.
If only I had known then, what I know now. Yes the dysregulation can be overlooked as a standalone issue, but awareness has improved a lot in the last 20 years. There are ways for you to help your teenager when everything else is taking too long.
Here's the thing - you're not alone. it will be ok because I did find a way to help my son. I have since used our experience to create books and courses. Explore this website to see all the ways I can share that knowledge with you.
I realised that my son was a visual learner, as are most teenagers with depression and neurodiversity. He was struggling with concepts such as time and money. How was I supposed to teach him to manage his own emotions when they're invisible?
"I was just 20 seconds from a phone call, ready to admit my son one night. As a last ditch attempt, we sat down for a hot drink and a chat - before choosing NOT to make that call."
Our Turning Point
I started with just four colours to represent the core emotions. Out of necessity, I started to develop a way to help him 'see' what his emotional cycle was. I helped him to understand that we change between emotions because something changed. How to build strategies for halting those meltdowns and outbursts.
My son quickly understood the emotional cycle diagram and the colours for Happy, Sad, Angry and Depressed. In the coming weeks, he quickly learned what caused him to change between one emotion and another. He grew more emotionally aware and took more control of his own emotions.
As he learned, my strategy grew alongside him. It took me two years to develop it fully and I tried every way possible to break my strategy over the next two years. I tested theories by watching everything possible. Only when I was 100% confident did I think about sharing the strategy to help others. I wanted to be certain that the learning strategies were as solid as possible. That they were as easy as possible for you and your teenager to learn from.
The term emotional dysregulation was a term I only recently heard. I knew what is was the moment I heard it. I knew first hand how it feels as a parent, dealing with this level of emotional challenge in your own home. Writing my book I had not used this term yet the emotions and lessons are the same. Terminology changes with the times. Emotions always stay the same. The strategy is exactly the same either way. The outcome for my son was incredible. The terminology was not crucial. What mattered was finding the right solution - plus my son being open to learning.
Having shown my strategy to many people and watched them reel back as they grasped the concepts. They called it genius, unique, and absolutely needed.
I had never aspired to become an author. I realised the power of what I had created to help my own son, and the drive to write took over.
Brain Unchained - Parenting Teens Book
The book is Not our story. I wrote it because of our story - to help you.
Brain Unchained has parent toolbox tips after every lesson throughout the book. This tips help you turn the lesson into a mentoring session with your own teenagers. This makes it the perfect parenting book to help you mentor your own child through emotional dysregulation.
