Creating a safe space for talking to teens is crucial. This strategy helps you help them navigate a number of challenges in their life. Have you have read the first two tips? This one - part 3, may not seem as obvious, yet it is one of the most important of all.
If a teenager finally puts their trust in you about anything that truly troubles them, you should say thank you. Whether you're a parent, teacher or manager, you should thank them for them putting trust in you and opening up. They have shared their deepest fears or troubles with you. For that, saying "Thank you for trusting me." builds value into the conversation.
By focusing on this tip as the outcome, it makes the first two tips easier for you. This now gives you something to focus on achieving from the conversation. It also raises their perception of your emotional intelligence as the conversation concludes. It becomes more natural for them trust someone further, who has just listened calmly. The appreciate it when you listen without judgment, and end on a note of value.
Any adult who has rushed a teenager into a difficult conversation, forced them to speak, huffed, rolled their eyes, reacted verbally or physically in any way with bias, disappointment or anger, is going to meet walls. It will validate their fears about speaking up. They will internalise this and will react with a meltdown, outbreak of anger, or by shutting themselves in emotionally.
This is not a time for them to be learning emotional intelligence. This is time for you to use emotional intelligence in your strategies. Help them understand emotional awareness first and the rest will follow.
Let's look at a physical analogy of this situation. Have you ever noticed how when someone is frightened physically, their emotional cycle will take over. They will run until they find a place that is safe to stop. Each danger or fear they encounter will keep them running.
You will only see them stop and break into tears of release, once they have escaped the immediate danger. Someone who can make them feel safe. Someone they feel they can trust can offer that same feeling emotionally.
Emotional safety is just the same as physical safety, except it's harder to see what they are running from. Are they running from something in their mind? Are they running from a person or situation? Offering that safe space allows them to stop mentally, and let go. Now they can finally talk, cry, decompress, and think about their way forward. They sometimes need that space more than actual support.
Hopefully now with these top tips for creating safe space, you can see things from their point of view. Reflect on a time when you wanted to tell someone about a problem and were afraid to. What did it take for you to open up? Was it someone who listened calmly, didn't judge, and thanked you for trusting them?
If there's one thing I've learned about being an Emotional Awareness Expert, it's that you don't have to teach any child, teenager or adult to want this. It is natural to the emotional cycle.
When listening to a teenager, it is easy to get hooked into that parenting role. It is easy to overlook these tops and be unaware of the way their emotions work. It is easy to get lost in our own emotions and reactions when faced with someone else's difficulties. Don't judge them, or shut them out and you will become their go-to person.
This is why emotional awareness is a skill that is truly beneficial to parenting teenagers. This is what turns parenting into mentoring, and make you a trusted leader instead of a nagging parent, or just another annoying teacher.
Taking time to create that safe space for talking could save a life.
If you haven't read the previous posts, catch up with part 1 and part 2 of this three part blog series for a truly enlightening way to help your teenagers through depression, stress, anxiety, and life's daily challenges.
Check out my book - Brain Unchained - Emotional Awareness for Parenting Teens
