There are times when critical thinking, followed by actions of logic, fall perfectly into place. Then comes some emotional scenario of someone complaining, passing blame, or laughing. How as a parent can we get this right for our teenagers to encourage logical thinking?
For children and teenagers, this learning process can impact them in many ways. Ideally the impact of critical thinking will be one of growth and confidence, curiosity, and the ability to think for themselves. Sadly for many it can leave them with uncertainty, low self-esteem, feeling inadequate, insecure and other unpleasant feelings. Why?
Simple task for example: Putting the bins out. Let's see why the simplest of tasks can create confusion and emotional conflict. jobs being delayed, avoided, communication breakdown, and put barriers up.
One day, on encountering a cardboard tube in a recycling bin, I realised while laughing about it, why both Critical Thinking and over-thinking work in tandem. I realised how they can make or break that personal growth process. Also how they can leave teens feeling uncertain about taking action, even when things seem obvious.
My scenario: There is a long cardboard tube, in the internal recycling bin at my mother's house. Do I move it to the outside bin or leave it where it is?
The answer seems obvious, a no-brainer, or what ever else you might be thinking. Surely anything in the recycling is to go out with the bins - but this is my mum's house. Nothing here is ever straight forward.
I'm looking after my parents house for two weeks while they're on holiday. My tasks are feeding the dog and the wildlife, and put the bins out on dustbin day. However something strange happened when I went to empty the recycling bin one morning. I was over-thinking a cardboard tube!
I removed the lid, removed the holding ring, then took the bag out. There was a cardboard tube almost as tall as the bin, sitting between the bag and the bin. Why was it there instead of inside the bag? What would you think?
I know my mum does quirky things as a means to resolving random problems. Now here I am trying to read her mind from 200 miles away. Why is this tube is where it is?
Check out Readers Digest. They have a list of 20 uses for cardboard tubes. Somehow I don't think the tube in the bin is for these uses. So why?
Is it just rubbish? - Maybe it was just put there while the bag was out last time. Mum may come home and say 'Why didn't you put that out?' but it could easily go out next time.
What if I throw it away and it isn't rubbish? I may never hear the end of it for months. Especially if it was one of her random solutions to one of her perceived problems.
Why would it be in the bin if it isn't rubbish? After all it is cardboard, and it is in the recycling bin. Oh this is starting to hurt my head.
My self-doubt was based on the potential reaction of my mother. I knew it, and I'm an adult, not some teenager afraid of reprimand or a backhanded comment. All the same I felt like she was controlling my thoughts from across the country, while I laughed about it at the same time.
My next thought was that with mum's disabilities and her bad hands, maybe she uses it to let air in the bin, so the bag comes out easier.
With that thought I left the tube in place and tried not to over-think it. Instead my thoughts ended up here with a whole blog post instead, much to her laughter when she declared that was the exact purpose.
It hit me that there really were two aspects to this. Firstly how much I learned from my parents about logical and critical thinking. Secondly, how I also built up some emotional walls over the years as a result of avoiding consequences. Those consequences may have been having to do a job again, or having constant reminders how I got it wrong last time. It may sometimes have been a passing comment of '"It's not that important".
I realised that critical thinking helps me solve problems. It is a fantastic skill that can be learned from young with nurturing support, encouragement and positive reinforcement. It can lead to positive emotions and outcomes. Greater team work, better communication, and great career skills.
On the flip side, critical thinking can cause bigger problems when over-thinking. It can generate anxiety, poor self-esteem, and feelings of being inadequate. this can lead to reluctance, or fear of trying. This often compounds with further comments of being useless and so on.
I've heard so many teenagers say "Why should I do it? I'll only get it wrong anyway!"
Incredibly, it is these little tasks and following reactions from adults, that leave teenagers feeling this way. It is not intentional to make them feel that way, and it is not about blame. It is about being aware of why, and how you can help make a difference for them going forward.
There are academic theories that describe critical thinking, around observation, listening, analyzing, conceptualizing, evaluating, and more, but this post is about the emotional and social aspects.
To apply logic and use critical thinking correctly, no two scenarios are the same. The desired process is using the appropriate skills confidently, succeeding or learning, and receiving positive feedback, appraisal, or helpful lessons from a parent, teacher, or employer. Sadly, that is not the culture most teenagers are used to.
Many adults say "Use your logic" in an abrupt tone. Teenagers are expected to try even though they lack confidence. They are often not even familiar with the term critical thinking. They are expected to ask questions if they get stuck. They are expected not to interrupt. How are they supposed to know which choice to make? Should they interrupt someone who is busy so they can ask? I'm sure you've all been there in that difficult situation.
Breaking that down, the skills are Knowing when to:
Apply existing knowledge
Know they don't have the knowledge
Ask questions and learn
Don't ask questions
Take Action
Refrain from taking action
How to react to feedback or criticism
Know how to process the feedback good or bad
Know when the request or feedback is abusive
Wow, that's a lot of overthinking going on before applying any actual skills.
What happens when a teenager lacks the confidence to tackle tasks, follow processes, ask questions, or accept failure?
Instead of applying critical thinking skills just mentioned, they may develop personality differences that become unhelpful. Teens may excessively seek reassurance for answers before trying. They might be afraid of asking questions and constantly fail. They may have strong emotional reactions, or do something rebellious and impulse to try and resolve the emotional backlash.
For many teenagers they see thinking as emotionally dangerous. It may result in dirty looks, cold shoulders, ridicule, emotional abuse, and neglect of their feelings. They feel like they are being blamed for poor instructions. They feel like they failed and are judged for it. The person giving instructions and feedback is also responsible for their situation and emotions.
What does this teach them? To shut up, hide their feelings, and stop trying. It's safer that way.
Here's me wondering "Will get the blame if I throw the tube out?" How many staff are affected by dilemmas like this too?
Do they skip tasks, or do incorrect tasks? Not to be lazy but because they are trying to avoid a blame culture for some other reason. Are they thinking about the emotional outcome rather than their actions? How many staff step outside of protocol because they are over-thinking the target instead of the process? Maybe they're afraid of not finishing the job on time due to blame, rather than raising an issue with the process.
I've only worked in two companies that didn't have that blame culture. One was a factory when I was 17. I also learned just how many things can be fixed with sticky tape just to get production going again! As long as it wasn't a food contact surface of course.
The other was when I worked for an offshore wind farm in my 40's. These were both places that encouraged staff to raise issues, and resolve them productively. They encouraged ideas for improvement. Staff collaborated to solve problems within guidelines.
This is a long post, but I hope it have been thought provoking for you. Maybe even enlightening. Hopefully it will inspire new levels of conversation with your teenagers at home. Here are a few questions to ask yourself, to help YOU grow, to help THEM grow:
When you're at home with family, is there a 'blame culture'?
Do you use and encourage critical thinking?
Do you resolve incorrect decisions with problem solving?
Do you harp on about the inconvenience they cause you?
For today, my thinking was if the tube turns out to be just rubbish, my solution is to face Mum's potential laughter at my thought process, with the option to bop her on the head with it before throwing it out.
Meanwhile I've realised today that Critical Thinking comes from solution seeking, while over-thinking comes from a blame culture. I'm actually glad I have the influence of both. Here's why.
I was over-thinking my son's emotional issues. I was still looking for the blame (cause) such as food or environment. When I started looking at how to help my son resolve emotional dysregulation with critical thinking instead, I realised he is a 'visual learner' and so after 7 years of over-thinking and critical thinking combined, I created the book Brain Unchained - Emotional Awareness for Teenagers and Young Adults.
Be patient and nurture positive thinking with teenagers, and they will become amazing people that you will be proud to know.
